DO NOT read this post before you watch 2012! Seriously, don’t!
Following the release of 2012 in China there are many discussions of how the world is going to meet its end in 2012 in many Chinese forums. From these forums, an article "The ultimate guide to escape 2012 catastrophe" quickly emerges and is becoming very popular. Since this article is full of Chinese humor and Chinese wisdom I want to share it with people who have difficulties to read Chinese 😉
The ultimate guide to escape 2012 catastrophe
No. 1 – Driving
You must know how to drive!!! Not just driving to work or to the local grocery stores but driving fast like hell! And you must master the skill of driving any type of car, a limo, a sports car or a seriously-aged trailer as if it is a brand new SUV just like what Jackson did in the movie. If this skill is beyond your capability PLEASE start to build up a very very good relationship with someone who is capable.
No.2 – Piloting
You must know how to fly!!! It is more important that you can maneuver any type of aircraft than being a professional pilot, just like George did in the movie. If this skill is beyond your capability again PLEASE start to build up a very very good relationship with someone who is capable.
No.3 – Pirate Radio
In the remaining three years please pay specific attention to pirate radio stations. If any of them mentioned conspiracy theories or world end please contact the broadcaster a.s.a.p. You must find him/her even if he/she is in hiding in the middle of a jungle, maybe he/she can provide information that saves your life.
No.4 – Scientists
Of course you must also quickly get acquainted with an astronomer, a geologist or any scientists in similar domains. If your relationship with him/her is good enough, you might be able to get first-hand information IN TIME.
No.5 – Languages
Learn as many languages as you can, especially Tibetan in order to remain sufficient communication with the world out there.
No.6 – Popularity
Raise your popularity by all means! Just like Jackson, maybe one day one of your FANs can save your life.
No.7 – A Good Phone
Invest in a phone that features excellent signal reception! It does not have to have all the fancy features, but at the last minute it might give you a huge surprise: Even if the world was almost destroyed, you may still be able to pick up signals from a friend across the Atlantic giving you one last piece of crucial information that eventually saves the entire human civilization. Just like the last message from the Indian scientist to Adrian.
No.8 – Trust
At the crucial moment of life or death, do not trust anybody except for families or Tibetans. If possible make a Tibetan friend a.s.a.p., preferably a Tibetan technician.
No.9 – Location
Do not go to the sea if not necessary! Move away from islands, coastal cities, earthquake faults and volcanic areas. Do stay in the Himalaya as often as you can, so in case of emergency you might survive even without escaping.
No.10 -Physical Conditions
Do exercise daily in order to deal with the freezing weather. Do practice swimming; give extra attention to the training of holding-breath underwater. And do practice running, your goal is to be able to catch up a taking off aircraft.
No.11 – Confidence
Even if the ground is sinking behind you, smoke and fire are chasing you or there are seemingly impossible-to-pass obstacles right in front you please DO believe in yourself. Just hold your breath, close your eyes, and run as fast as you can. You will make it!
No.12 – Jobs
If you see a job vacancy located in Himalaya in the section of construction or civil engineering please try your best to get it.